Ten Lyrically Atrocious Pop Songs

So Katy Perry has a new song.  And the only word I can come up with to accurately describe it is “atrocious.”  I feel it’s apt.  Let’s verify, shall we?

atrocious – adj. 1. shockingly bad or tasteless; dreadful; abominable

Yeah that sounds about right.  But don’t take my word for it.  Peep this, homie.

So let’s review:

Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?
Don’t be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch
I’ma peace out if you don’t give me the pay off
Come on baby let me see
What you’re hiding underneath

and of course:

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock, cock
Your peacock, cock, cock
Your peacock

So yeah, atrocious.  There was a time when sexuality was subtle, when camp was cute, when parents would turn the other cheek because their Top 40-loving kids probably wouldn’t understand the context of the double entendre until they turned 13 or 14.

I don’t remember that time.

But this is far from the worst thing the pop music world has given us, overtly sexual or otherwise.  Here are nine other lyrically atrocious examples – and I haven’t even scratched the surface of what the CHR world likes to consider “poetry” in our modern times.

Black Eyed Peas – My Humps

Sure, like most Fergie-era BEP tracks, this became an unavoidable club hit.  But I could never get past the description of those wonderful body parts all the men love (that would be T & A) as “humps” and “lovely lady lumps.”  I mean, I get it, but “humps” and “lumps?”  Sounds more cancerous and medical than sensual.

Afroman – Because I Got High

Do stoners even like this song?  Why didn’t I think of this? “Let’s just write down all the stuff we didn’t accomplish today on our to-do list because we were so stoned.  I know, I know, it’ll be like six minutes long, but whatevs.”  They were gonna write another hit, but….

Sisqo – The Thong Song

Another unfortunately descriptive “azz” song –

She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
Baby move your butt butt butt
Uh
I think I’ll sing it again
She had dumps like a truck truck truck
Thighs like what what what
All night long
Let me see that thong

Ugh.

Fergie – London Bridge

Score another one for Fergy Ferg, who gives us an ode to her favorite foursome sex position.  Yes, that’s what it’s really about.  Of course, the verses are just typical Fergie “rapping:”

“When I come to the clubs, step aside
Pop the seeds, don’t be hating me in the line
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
I’m Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time”

And who could forget that chorus?

“How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge wanna go down
Like London London London
Wanna go down like
London London London
Be going down like”

Eminem – Ass Like That

Between being an incredibly clever and engaging lyricist and becoming a straight-edge snooze rapper past his prime, Slim Shady hit a low point in his lyrics.  “Ass Like That,” along with the majority of Encore, was that low point.  Completely devoid of direction, Em decided to go the way of the “goofy white rapper” for a bit – his “rapping like Pee-Wee Herman” phase is in full form here.  And the hook? Talk about phoning it in, fourth grade style:

The way you shake it, I can’t believe it
I ain’t never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Da-Doing, doing, doing

Puddle of Mudd – Control

The pivotal moment in Puddle of Mudd’s sadistic sendoff to all the ladies clears up any misconceptions about whether the generic post-grunge movement was feminist-friendly.  As if Chad Kroeger and Fred Durst hadn’t said enough.

I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

Dashboard Confessional – Screaming Infidelities

I’ve never been a fan of this over-emotional, whiny brat, but this hit takes the cake:

Well As for now I’m gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you’re making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone
Making out.

Weird.  Is this guy 11 years old?

Your hair, it’s everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

What? Gross.

Crazytown – Butterfly

This is one of those cliche-ridden songs that just has too many examples to delve into.  Listen and cringe for yourself.  The first verse will give you an idea of the journey you’re about to take:

Such a sexy, sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring

Yep.

LFO – Summer Girls

This makes for a perfect karaoke song precisely because of its god-awful random lyrics. My favorites:

Stayed all summer then went back home,
Macauly Culkin was in Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain’t speaking
Michael J Fox was Alex P. Keaton

and

Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees

Honorable Mentions:

Hot Action Cop – Fever For the Flava

Nickelback – Something In Your Mouth

Limp Bizkit- Break Stuff/Nookie/Hot Dog/Rollin’/pretty much any of their hits they actually wrote

Bookmark and Share

Leave a Reply